...can we talk about how hungry i am right now?

so, let me just start by saying that i rarely drink. and, when i do drink, i do not get hungover. instead, i usually wake up, i'm fine, and then...STARVING. like, i think i am going to die right now if i don't get some freaking food type of hunger that hits me in about 45 seconds about 49 minutes after i wake up.

so, that is what i am working with this morning, when i get upand am getting ready for work after a relatively tame st. patricks celebration last night.

this sneaky-hunger-missile attacked me as i was on the T, on my way to work. luckily, i walk through the prudential center everyday, and their food court was just what i needed. 

or so i thought. 

as i got off the train, i bee-lined for panda express. salty-msg-greasy-goodness was the only thing my mind was concerned with. this would eventually be my downfall. 

for some reason, i wanted nothing more in the world than some freaking egg rolls. strange. 

anyway. 

there was one fatal flaw in this plan- panda express is clearly not open at 10:25am. my mind was so concerned with egg rolls that it took me a good 2 minutes of standing outside the gated panda express counter to realize that they were not going to open anytime soon, and my energy needed to be redirected. 

at this point, i am filled with a rage so great, felony murder-suicide was not out of the question. so, i stomp out of the prudential center and walk in to trader joe's- another issue with the sneaky hunger missile is, if it doesn't get EXACTLY what it wants, it freaks the hell out. now that egg rolls were no longer in my immediate future, nothing sounded good. this does not help me feed myself any faster, and therefore the hunger-rage keeps building. i walked out of TJ's with like 98210 random ass things that i will never, ever eat. like, what the hell is this shit? 

i have no idea. but, i know that it is NOT EGG ROLLS. 

so, i finally get to work and try to eat some blackberries and mac and cheese, which as you all probably know, is my most favorite thing in the world. but, not today. TODAY IS EGG ROLL DAY. so, i get on foodler and try to map out the closest chinese restaurant that will deliver me some egg rolls in the shortest amount of time. i was cruelly interrupted by multiple work phone calls, and it seemed i would slit my wrists by the end of the day.

just to illustrate, i once drew this picture to explain to my family why i needed them to PULL OVER THE CAR IMMEDIATELY AND FEED ME on a very long road trip. it is the most accurate explanation of the sneaky hunger missile i can find.

now updated with my new, chic bangs.

long story short, i never did get those damned egg rolls. and i am still all black-and-red-rage-spewy because i am SO HUNGRY.

likely, i will go home and order about 50 deliciously unhealthy egg rolls around 5:30pm, my usual dinner time (another important thing to know about me is i am secretly an 80 year old woman. i swear. i go to bed before 9pm almost every night, my favorite shows include golden girls and hot in cleveland, and my 80 year old grandfather probably eats lunch and dinner later than i do). with how this day is going, my delivery guy will probably get lost and show up tomorrow morning with them. although, that would probably be fine- as long as tomorrows sneaky hunger missile wants egg rolls, too.